January 22, 2020 by Kayce L.
It's been a good while since my last post, and I'm starting with Resentments. Today, I am eat up with resentment and pain. That becoming so co-dependent again has intensified all my emotions. I'm in pain. My husband is cheating, my life is lonely and I feel the need to resent him, her and the situation. I just celebrated my birthday 10 years of sobriety. And that day I received confirmation on the affair. For so long I really have been mentally gas lighted and manipulated into doubting my self. The lengths a narcissist would go to is frightening. I resent him, her, and yet I am grateful for another day sober. Never isolate, never stop praying,
Resentments destroy us all.
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December 28, 2018 by Kayce L.
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December 25, 2018 by Kayce L.
The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect.
In my recovery, I have discovered it's hard to share in most meetings. I struggle in that factor. I have decided to share on this blog what I struggle with.
As I have been growing in recovery of alcoholism and addiction, I also have found myself emotional and spiritual bankrupt at times.
As I rediscover myself, I also rediscover some difficult underlining issues that I have not yet addressed. Fear, resentment and loneliness.
I struggle with sharing these issues on a daily bases. Gratitude and humility are all I can grasp at some days. Even then my defects can quickly make me consumed in fear. As my children get older, the need for me is less. I remarried their dad and their is infidelity fears. Thoughts of loneliness when I look to how things really are. I am seeing differences in personality and goals for the future. I have meditated and read up on a lot of my issues and seem to be holding in more then I ever thought. I ask myself am I happy? Are they happy? Can I continue in this insanity? Who am I?
Prayers and meditation. Thanks for letting me share.
Merry Christmas everyone. I am grateful today. Sober today. And blessed to be able to be the person I am today through the program.
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December 24, 2018 by Kayce L.
This time of year everyone around me is busy, overwhelmed and most of the time, stressed.
I always worried myself about making everything perfect. This year I am taking it easy. One day at a time. Trying to please everyone has put me in a unfocused place in my recovery., in the past years. This year I'm focusing on me.
January, I will be 9 years sober. And I find myself feeling like the ones around me have forgotten how hard I have been fighting a battle within myself. Just mainly for validation and support still.
I also have to realize. They aren't in this battle. I am. I get wrapped up in the whole taking care of the family that I let my spirituality get thrown off course.
Meetings and surrounding myself with other recovering alcoholics helps me stay grounded and feel loved. I have to stay connected.
Meeting makers make it. One day at a time.
Everyone Happy Holidays! And Happy New Year!
Grateful for another year sober.
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October 6, 2018 by Kayce L.
Self-Love makes it possible for us to hold our heads up. Strengthen and improving our mental and physical health, as well as increasing our confidence and self-esteem. Without self-love we can easily get in a bad space within ourselves. Even allowing someone to destroy that self-love can be a dangerous place to be in our heads.
Keep living ones self. Attend meeting and pray.
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September 12, 2018 by Kayce L.
In each of our lives we deal with struggles. Sometimes we can glide over these struggles with the tools we've acquired in AA/NA programs. Or, we can easily contact our sponsors. For some of the most difficult struggles I have found that I need to talk to my higher power. Grasp my spirituality. And relax. I'm so grateful today for the gift of sobriety and my toolbox that gets me through the struggles of day to day. Keep it simple
Please share how you deal with daily struggles in your recovery.
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August 16, 2018 by Kayce L.
Sharing at meeting use to be my favorite thing. As I live in a small town I have come to realize my home group takes what I share and harps on it for weeks as if I'm going fall off the wagon or worse. I use to feel as if this was my safe place. Lately I feel judgement and misunderstanding in my peers in this group. I took a little time off and return to retackle and I was uncomfortable. I'm realizing I need to attend different meetings near me and see what better suits me. I've known these people for almost 9 years in my sobriety and it use to be a safe place to share. Is this me over reacting or me judging them
I will venture out and attend new meeting to see if my recovery can grow. Right now I feel stagnate in a circle of unhealthy recovery. Meditation has relieved me from most of my worries. Has anyone ever felt this way. Thanks
God is good
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June 27, 2018 by Kayce L.
This step is exactly what I needed to go back to in my recovery. In life's chaos we can get vulnerable to fear, anger, jealous, and just emotions all together.
I have found myself hung up on resentments and fear. My higher power had me listening to my meeting last night, big book study. Step 10 brought me back where I needed to remember to spot check inventory of myself.
Doing a spot-check inventory is when you have an emotional disturbance. This is a quick, spur-of-the-moment inventory concerned with day-to-day problems. It helps to silence volatile emotions, build character and promote a positive way of life.
Avoid making quick-tempered decisions; train yourself to take a step back and breathe.
Survey your situation honestly.
Admit when you’re wrong.
Forgive others when they’re wrong.
Focus on progress, not perfection.
When we take a moment and do this in hard times of our lives. We can get back on track and love ourselves and the ones we love.
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June 4, 2018 by Kayce L.
Acceptance over expectations is key in my recovery. It's also the hardest.
When it comes to trusting someone, what they say or do is very hard after ones lost the trust in someone. Taking some situations one day at a time. I do my best to Accept what is and not Expect anything. Loving someone you don't trust is very hard. So I have to trust in myself and my higher power to keep me strong and guide me through these times of distrust. I put my acceptance above my expectations.
Meetings and my sponsor help me in the weakest moments. Keep it simple everyone.
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May 29, 2018 by Kayce L.
It has been a while since my last post. With many recovering alcoholic/addicts life gets busy and we get idle on putting recovery first. I realized I was getting into a dry drunk mode. My mental state has slowly gotten back into old behaviors. Last night I sat down and took an inventory and realized new character defects that I was showing. I had not been grateful. So I wrote a gratitude list and did some reading on recovery. It's something we can not afford to do is forget we need our meetings. We need others like us in recovery. A gratitude for life. For family. For sobriety. Today, I will put myself back on the rails. And I am grateful for every moment I have sober.
Remember. Step 10-11 and 12. Daily.
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