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January 22, 2020 by Kayce L.

It’s been a good while since my last post, and I’m starting with Resentments. Today, I am eat up with resentment and pain. That becoming so co-dependent again has intensified all my emotions. I’m in pain. My husband is cheating, my life is lonely and I feel the need to resent him, her and the situation. I just celebrated my birthday 10 years of sobriety. And that day I received confirmation on the affair. For so long I really have been mentally gas lighted and manipulated into doubting my self. The lengths a narcissist would go to is frightening. I resent him, her, and yet I am grateful for another day sober. Never isolate, never stop praying,

Resentments destroy us all.


  1. Lori L says:

    You have got the strength now to deal with this resentment.

  2. Tom says:

    So sorry I understand love, prayer God is in control love reach out Tom Colorado.

  3. Thomas Cromer says:

    Kayce your awesome and a fighter stay strong sister

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      God will help u threw your awesome journey of sobriety I’m coming up on 8 years and 7 months of sobriety on February 9 th I feel awesome I love life !!!!!

  4. Kayce thanks for sharing. GOD will provide. More step 3 and Step 11.
    GOD has you in the Palm of HIS Hand.

  5. Jim K says:

    Resentment is the number one offender that destroys more alcoholics than anything else. It is a dubious luxury we cannot afford. I say this to remind myself to keep my side of the street clean, help another alcoholic and trust in God. Kayce L. you are in my prayers, thank you for sharing. Today I “know” everything will be alright

  6. David says:

    Sweet Kayce, God through you has been so much of a positive influence on all of us through the years!! This too is a challenge where, through your sobriety and letting go and letting God, that God will win…
    Your past posts of Self Love where no other human being will be able to shatter your daily walk are so influential to us all!!!

  7. David says:

    Kayce, your Self-Love post in the past is so real: “Without self-love we can easily get in a bad space within ourselves. Even allowing someone to destroy that self-love can be a dangerous place to be in our heads.”
    I am 73 days sober and am so blessed to have a nightly inventory and awaken to a new day of happiness.

  8. Rose M. says:

    Kayce, remember that you are wanted, loved, and needed, by a mighty God, and many around you.

    To be of service to another human being, is the greatest gift one can give to oneself. I get out of myself by helping others, volunteering either in aa or another charitable organization, a homeless shelter, or a church-city mission, or activity is so rewarding, and gets my mind off of my offenders.

    I had to do a fourth step on the one/s that were taking up rent in my head, aka my obsessions. that cleared away that wreckage, and self pity.

    Reading page 552 in the big book and putting that into practice helped me to understand.

    Also going to alanon helped tremendously since I deal with alcoholics almost every single day!

    Take care of yourself, my friend, and remember the fact that the big book says is resentment is the number one offender, and a killer for us!

    • Brian C. says:

      Thank you for taking the time to post this! Just like most all of my meetings, this found me at the right time, with the right tone, and the right advice.

  9. Thomas Cromer says:

    Awesome rose!!!!

  10. John c says:

    Thank you for your honest message of your inner struggle. My sister passed away last week and my son was arrested a few days later . My heart is broken and I am so fearful of all that I can not control. I no matter what my physical being is going through I pray and give it to my higher power . I have no control over anyone but me . What you are going through is heart wrenching but you know what not to do and that you have that length of sobriety I know you have a strong program. I will add you to my prayers. God bless you.

  11. SprDave says:

    So glad to see your back Kayce, sorry the circumstances are such. Sometimes the path is a rocky bitch. I say this from a hospital bed, heart related issues. I’d like to say resentment free, but I think we all know that wouldn’t be true. There are so many different levels of recovery, this too will be behind me one day. “TRUDGE” the road to “Happy DESTINY.” We have an awesome GOD, even in the hard times. Hope you feel better by the time you read these responses. Rather you feel better or not, take your resentful ass to a meeting.

  12. Dave says:

    Glad your back Kayce.

  13. John R. says:

    Tomorrow is 42 years (May 11) and I can tell you that I have survived many trials and tribulations. If you have to live in the meetings, do it. Now that we can attend anywhere and anytime on Zoom, Gid gas given us even more options. Out of everything bad there is usually a silver lining. God bless, and as they told me when I first got sober, “ Don’t drink even if your ass falls off. Bring it to a meeting and we’ll sew it back on for you. John R. In San Francisco

  14. Silvia cardona says:

    I know that pain you are telling about. It’s horrible… we have to stay in the solution. Step 4, step 10, the prayer for release of resentment and al anon literature and the wonderful al anon program…
    Understanding ourselves and alcoholism can help us through the maze of painful emotions. Our sobriety, abstinence and serenity come first and must be protected at any cost… we are worth it!

  15. Silvia says:

    Hi Rose
    So sorry to hear about this horrific pain. I wonder if there is something more painful— of course aside from the self inflicted pain of acting out our own addictions-
    Al Anon is of great help. I was eating cookies to medicate the pain in a similar situation and realized I was adding insult to injury, so I sought out and found an amazing food program. The steps and the tools are keeping me focused on the solution. Praying for you

  16. wilson b. says:

    Kayce thomas and others is this site somewhere else?
    All ok?
    Peace be with you!

    • Gayle says:

      I’m wondering too! I hope Kacey that you can tell us about your situation today. I just read Chapter 3 in the BB and then came to this site. I am in need of meetings and better get to it. Or else I may fall prey to this cunning, baffling, powerful disease! First Things First.

      • Wilson b. says:

        Thanks for coming here!
        I come here and read this resentments post and thread!
        I found it by serendipity and i still come here.
        I hope the best for you kayce!! ??
        Peace be with you

  17. Mark says:

    Hi all and Just hearing the people help each other gives me hope someone will show at the meeting tonight and it also helps me in my own recovery. I resent this virus and the CCP for sending it to us. I will pray for All . Thank you

  18. Wilson b. says:

    Anyone want to come on here and share?
    Kayce and all hope the peace of this fellowship
    Is with you and thank you for setting up this site!
    Thomas how many days now? Congrats!
    Peace be with us alk in these strange times…
    Wilson b.

  19. Brock S says:

    This story hits me hard. I am the one with 10 years sobriety this October 31, 2020, but I’m also the husband that cheated. I am beginning to find myself once again, understanding that an addict like me will ALWAYS need to work it. I look back to just skimming the surface of my sobriety, “I’ve got this” mantallity will surely return you to pain and suffering. If I am not spiritually fit, I am extremely selfish. I feel your pain Kayce, I see it in my wife’s face since my affair came to light. Today I submit myself to my almighty God and check myself constantly throughout the day. God is a might God, loving, forgiving, and patient to a sinner like me.

  20. Tracy says:

    Thank you all.

  21. Paul selka says:

    Been there through that so I know how that feels graduations on your 10 years of sobriety and with the winners and stay away from the losers and stay connected when will be fine my best wishes for you and you’ll be in my prayers

  22. Wilson+b. says:

    Congrats one day at a time thomas
    Glad someone checks in!
    I go read this post kayce wrote when i
    very much need to!!
    Peace be with you all…!
    Be thankful for crossing the river of change!!

  23. Jim K says:

    I found this sight around 8 years ago. I am grateful for Kacey, Thomas and others who share here, you have been here when I needed to hear something. During this time of social distancing and isolation this group helps

  24. Wilson b. says:

    Happy 4th
    Peace be with you all

  25. sprdave says:

    Wish this site would take off again. Kayce, your gifted with writing the opin’s, bring it back. In fact I might have a little resentment because you haven’t been.

  26. Jim K says:

    I am grateful to this page for a copy of the 164 pages of the big book and also the track your recovery part. I have 3441 days since my last drink. Would be harder to figure that out without this. I do miss the topics and sharing, it was an important part of my journey.

  27. Mike C. says:

    So sorry to hear you’re in pain, but know that with time and reflection, the pain will numb. I had a similar situation as I entered my sober journey, and years later, my ex and I are friends, co-parenting together. Keep the faith, turn it over and watch the miracles unfold. You’ve got this!!

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