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Identifying our Defects of Character 

June 4, 2016 by Kayce L.

Many of us have trouble identifying our character defects. If this is the case for us, we can talk with our sponsor or our Fellowship friends. We clearly and honestly describe our behavior to them and ask for their help in identifying our defects. As time passes, we’ll become progressively better able to identify our own character defects. Working on them with the help of others


  1. Chris M says:

    I found that I have many character defects but the process of writing the down, thinking about the for several weeks and then discussing with my sponsor was a wonderful process. How can we ask for for help from our higher power if we don’t know what we’re praying/working to be free for??? Most of mine boiled down to fear of losing someone or some thing I thought I needed to be happy and successful in life. What I’m very slowly coming to understand is that by praying for and putting in the work to change myself, I can be happy with me. Only then can I begin the work needed to repair the relationships I nearly lost and severely damaged with 30 years of drunkeness. Thanks to the fellowship of AA and the wonder guide for living the 12 steps provide I have 805 days today. It’s a wonderful day to be sober! This site has been great for the calculator and the many great comments posted by you all, thanks to those that made it happen. Keep coming back and I’ll keep coming back and we’ll enjoy staying sober together!!!

    • Shane says:

      Chris M
      Thank you for sharing.I myself have a similar problem. I fear like if I trust anyone they will either leave me or hurt me.I am slowly getting over this. I have had 890 days sober. I still have not attended a meeting.I think I will someday. For now I just stay sober and as happy as I can 1 day at a time.

      • Lucy C says:

        If just stopping drinking were only the key to a happy joyful life. Try to read Dr. Paul O’s book “THERES MORE TO QUITTING DRINKING THEAN QUITTING DRINKING”

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        Awesome Shane !!!!!!

      • Mary D says:

        I had 15 yrs of sobriety that I protected at all costs.I too did it on my own…I relapsed 7 yrs ago and now have 3 days and pray this time it works. This time I am going to follow the program of AA, my sponsor, and stop being my own director. Had I been involved with others in recovery I know I never would have relapsed. I would not have let a doctor put me on Xanex and Ativan for panic attacks when my daughter almost died. I relapsed within 6 days of taking those meds. I did not see it coming and had no defense against the craving for a drink amidst my anxiety and fear. An alcoholic can never take mind altering medications without the support of other alcoholics. Sometimes those medications are necessary but I should have been closely supported by a sponsor and other AA friends who could have seen me though that time. I am the first to say going to AA takes work. It is easier to be your own boss, I am merely sharing from experience. It never gets better when you go back out, it only gets worse and many never make it back. I am a lucky one, God is not done with me yet. Have a safe, Happy and Sober 4th of July.

  2. Chloeb says:

    Thanks for all of your shares!! I’m just a daily (sometimes hourly) work in progress 🙂

  3. MK says:

    I’m facing this right now, as I approach my 6 months sober mark I feel the need to keep going on these steps. My defects of character….I’m at such a loss as to where to start. I’m sure I have many, but I’ve been hiding them all behind alcohol, how am I supposed to find them!

    • Scott says:

      I would love to see a real example of a 4th step. I know the big book has an outline of the process, but seems a little simplified. Would be cool to see an actual one, then maybe I could think, well I could do that too. Day 20 coming up…again

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        It will get better Scott keep the faith !!!!!!

      • MK says:

        Scott, I agree, a real step 4 would be great to see
        But, right now Cleveland is going crazy! So I can’t find anyone to help with a Fourth step, I myself drove 3 persons down to the craziness, and have stayed away from it! I would have been toooo tempted!

  4. Joe says:

    Hi. I’m Joe. I’m an alcoholic. I have fails a lot recently. Thi is the only posing I could find active. I stared over today. It is day 1 again. Just needed to share. I am hurting bad today.

  5. Joe says:

    Thank you to all of you

  6. Joe says:

    Happy Father’s Day to any and all fathers out ther. God bless!

  7. Joe says:

    Good morning to all. It’s going to be hot here today. I made it thru the weekend. Still very depressed. Joe

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