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Maintaining a new way of life 

February 22, 2017 by Kayce L.

It is not always easy to maintain a new way of life.Step 11; Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

This step is no quick fix. It is Steps 2 and 3 practiced on a daily basis. This Step can be our guide for the rest of our lives and if properly understood and carefully followed, some of the changes in our lives will border on miraculous.


  1. Thomas Cromer says:

    Well my daughter has been gone for 2 years now she is living her life but now she hates me and my wife and I don’t know why but maintaining my life now just accepting that she never coming home would like some feed back on what to do I mean life goes on I know but the daughter I raised she gone the new daughter I don’t know her I’m not sad no more just I guess need some words to help me move on I will always love her always we were tight a long time ago wow !!!!!!!!!

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      And when we call our daughter or text her she seems like she doesn’t even care such hate and bitterness me and wife we don’t derserve that!!!!!!

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        Call her can’t spell lol

        • Scott says:

          I have zero experience with this and this might sound kind of trite but maybe pray for her? I’m assuming she’s pretty young (20 something?). Fairly certain she will want parents back in her life again. Meanwhile file under accepting the things you cannot change.

      • Kayce L. says:

        Our loved ones can for sure hurt us the most. That’s why we call it a selfish program. One day she will need her mom and dad and see all we sacrifice and give. And hopefully apologize. God bless y’all

        • Thomas Cromer says:

          Thank u kayce wife and I were good we know one day she see the light my daughter anger will go alway and she come home I hope if not life goes on god has made me strong!!!!!!!!

    • Patrick says:

      I do have some experience with this but with step kids! Most importantly, to say you have no idea why is either a lie or the reason why itself! Sorry to be so blunt just giving my opinion! My step kids don’t have much to do with me because I was to hard on them and very sarcastic!

    • Don says:

      I lost my 3 daughters & wife through a divorice I did in early soberety. Bad ego move. Keep doing the next right thing Show by example the change. Pray 4 her. It always works. After a 27 yr separation l
      Got mine back. Through gods intervention I made amends to first wife & things got better. Before we got back together she died. But now I’m enjoying my chrildren.

  2. Sheri says:

    I hear your pain and I think I can relate. My daughter also was very angry at me for a long time. In her opinion, everthing wrong in her life was all my fault. The way she treated me felt abusive. She would act like she loved me only to get money or whatever else she needed, then she would go right back to being hateful. It broke my heart and tore me up for several years. I tried everything I could think of to make things right, healthy, different…whatever I could. But it was never enough for her. I ended up writing her a letter telling her how I felt. I had made my amends the best I could and I told her that for my sobriety I was going to have to let her go until she was ready for a healthier relationship. I got an understanding response after she got the letter, but truth be told that was over a year ago and she really hasn’t changed much. But I dont reach out like I used to. I started working the steps of AA for my relationship with her just like I worked them with my drinking.
    1. I admitted I was powerless over my relationship with my daughter and that our lives had become unmanageable.
    2. I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
    3. I made a decision to turn my will and my life (and this relationship) over to the care of God as I understood him.
    Each step I worked to the best of my ability and applied to my relationship with her.
    Our relationship is not where I would want it. She rarely calls and if she does she never asks how I am. She usually wants something for herself or my grandkids. I have learned to say no to her. I have learned that she has her journey and I have mine. I choose to believe that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be right now. Things may change one day, but for now, I will just keep doing the next right thing and believing that no matter what happens, my Higher Power has control and I will be alright.
    That is my experience.
    I hope it helps.
    I will say a prayer for you and your family.

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      Thank u Sheryl ur awesome but I’m ok I ve accepted everything but I’m ok god has helped me a lot !!!!!!

    • Angie says:

      Wow, Sheri I have just had an epiphany! I am in the exact same position you are, my middle boy, he’s 24, he continues to use all the old excuses to hold over my head. I’m getting married in 8 days. He has three girls, all of them were to be in our wedding. Well now he has made a decision to not come to our wedding. Which in turn means our granddaughters won’t be there. But, I must say I’ll be working very hard on my 12steps of AA putting him in place of alcohol. I’ve been sober for over 9 years. I have four children. They all continue to play the tune day in and day out. I’m done. Enough is enough! I’m wore out! The pain is to much. I need to have a time of healing for me. A time where I can no longer be there scapegoat. They all are grown adults. My youngest is almost 22. They need to grow up and get jobs. And be responsible.

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        Angie I hope you have a happy life with your new husband your awesome girl I’m happy for u!!!!!!!

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        Well as of today my daughter still hates my wife and I but we’re ok I know now it’s her lost not mine I’ve tried I can’t no more!!!!!!!

  3. Gayle R says:

    Thanks for topic Kayce• I have maintained this new way of life for 14 years! Yep! My sobriety date is February 24, 2003! Learning to live one day at a time; knowing we all only have today has been the best gift of AA! I thank my HP, my God, my sponsor, all of you & the fellowship of AA. I am truly happy, joyous & free!

  4. Scott says:

    360 more days and I’ll have a year, go me!

  5. Dave C says:

    Happy Birthday Gayle, and if I remember correctly welcome back to Calif. March 4th will mark 23 yrs ago I walked into a treatment center. Life continues to be renewed at times throughout my sobriety. I find myself today pacing considering going to an al-anon meeting that starts in 45 min. Simply because I’m powerless in the world of parenthood. March 4 will also be my oldest sons 39th birthday, who by the way is testing the waters of the program. I continue to be both blessed and challenged on the path. Off to the meeting I go. Thank you all for the shares, I know I’m not alone

  6. Gayle R says:

    Thanks Dave! Back in CA & finding good sobriety here! Congrats on the 4th for 23years! Stay!! I heard that this year & I like it! Ala-non has helped me to take care of myself more! Love those adult children & let them lead their own lives! Like we did! Choices! We are never alone & that is a blessing each new day!

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      Tomorrow march 4th will be 2 years that my daughter left now I can say I’m ok god has really helped me threw my pain I’m good my pain has healed now I can live a happy happy life !!!!!!

  7. Gayle R says:

    Happy 23rd Birthday Dave!!
    Happy Birthday to your son!
    What a great day to be sober!
    I hope you see how far you’ve come;
    Stay & keep going! I am sending Peace, Joy & Love
    today Dave & everyday this year! Your staying sober, one day at a time helps me & others! Thank-you!
    I, too, was in treatment this same time of year!
    How blessed are we! Enjoy! Celebrate! Remember! Believe!

  8. Dave C says:

    Thank you Gayle, you have a gift with your sharing. Off to visit my youngest for a few days. Sobriety is a gift

  9. Gayle R says:

    Thank-you Dave & Thomas!!
    We help each other!
    This is a we program!
    We never have to be alone or do this alone!

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