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Surrendering to Feelings Sober

September 18, 2016 by Kayce L.

Our feelings of anger, disappointment or pain are some of the most difficult to face in recovery. We can get frightened and hurt all over again. Surrendering to these feelings, feel them, and let go of them. We can begin sharing these hurt feelings with others.I was a prisoner to a lot of anger and hostility towards certain people. I began opening up to my sponsor and my fellowship and i was helped with letting go and allowing God to start and heal all those resentments.


  1. Dave w says:

    I’m feeling pain, worry and anxiety all in one tonight.
    Hard to keep my gratitude feelings going in this moment.
    Stuck in the middle, my wife says if my addict son doesn’t leave she will.
    He is trying in a half ass way to get sober.
    She is as tired of his bullshit as I am. I asked him to leave
    But will probably have to evict him.
    I always try to be the peacemaker. It’s not working.
    Leaning on the serenity prayer and trying to find the courage to change the things I can.

    • Channing says:

      Hang in there, Dave.
      Most times the right thing and the easiest thing are not the same.

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      I will pray for u brother peace !!!!!!!!

    • Thomas Cromer says:

      Today I’m on day 1900 wow I feel awesome !!!!!!!

    • janice says:

      I can’t even imagine how painful this is for you. We all had to detach and let go of my nephew, he is 3 years sober now. In my prayers Dave.

    • Mindy says:

      Get on your knees and pray. Sometimes doing nothing IS something. Ask God to give you direction.

    • John L says:

      As a person who has done the work half ass before. I was kicked out of my own house before. Honestly, it was a huge wake up call for me. I pray that your son does hit his bottom very soon. But for the time being, love from a distance, we can only suggest in this program. If he takes it, great, but if not then I hope only the best for you and your family. Stay strong, lead by example. When the time comes, he will become willing to the help you can give. Love you brother.

    • Susan H. says:

      Set boundaries and stick to them. Let him reach his bottom. Let him find desperation. My family almost killled me consigning my BS. It’s time to allown God to do His work.

    • Dannp says:

      Dave w. I can so much emphasize with you regarding addict son and the impact our son’s active disease has/had on our family.

      I fluctuated from anger/rage to sympathy, sprinkled with delusion and insanity. Nothing would end this nightmare and my wife and I were at wits end.

      Eventually our need for help through Alanon, our church pastor and our (wife and I) uniting together towards a common approach.

      Our son is sober/clean today, due mainly because his bottom was allowed to materialize, which means we got out of the way and stopped enabling. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, stepping aside and allowing natural consequences to dictate the process, can’t be done alone!!!

  2. Dave w says:

    Thank you Channing and Thomas. Day 1900 is really good.
    Stay with it. I will “keep on keepin on”- in regards to my messed up home.
    I catch myself feeling sorry for myself when I share .
    Friggin pity party. I apologize for that but it does feel good to vent with my brothers and sisters here.

  3. Robin Avery says:

    I understand that peacemaker theory all to well. At least your sober! Keep it up and keep coming back!

  4. Dave w says:

    Thanks. Yes I am sober. A drink would not improve any situation.
    I will keep coming back. I like this sober life even with its challenges.
    Day at a time. Some days are just tough. But I have survived all the other tough days.
    With an enormous amount of good days.
    So have many of you and I love the help we give each other.

  5. Ashley says:

    At this moment I feel anger,pain,a lot of pain, alone in my feelings from situations I play a role in and some I don’t. Huge life changing situations all happening at once. I don’t know where to begin to fix or make the best of these horrible things all going on at once in my life! I pray, talk with those in my support group but the emotions and pain are not going away. How do I let go of them?

  6. Dave w says:

    Ashley , I can only share my experience, I am sorry it is painful now.
    In addition to you praying and sharing with your group what I try is to look for some positive moments.
    In between the bad times. Try a gratitude list daily.
    One thing is certain there will always be changes in our lives.
    I know it seems hard and I feel your pain.
    We are not alone in our struggles even when we feel that way.
    Good people here will help.
    I pray you will find some comfort. I am with you as are others here.

    • Ashley says:

      Over these few years I’ve learned more and more just why this statement has been made….we trudge the road to happy destiny. Trudge; to walk slowly with heavy steps, typically because of exhaustion or harsh conditions. The road of recovery isn’t easy! Or else everyone would get and stay sober but I’ve been trudging since January and my feet are beginning to feel weak. For myself and my son’s sake I know at least I must continue trudging on, no matter the harsh conditions! At the end of the day the hell and pain I feel now is nothing in comparison to the hell and pain when I’m drunk and high. Even with that in mind this all still sucks and hurts like hell! I thank you Dave for your positive thoughts, prayers, and support! Just listening or reading my thoughts and worries from people I don’t know gives me a little feeling that I am carried for, that I do matter! Thank you!

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        It will get better Ashley !!!!!!!

      • Dave w says:

        Ashley, you are welcome. Early in this program it was hard for me to grasp one day at a time.
        I felt that sometimes it was an hour at a time. But I put one foot in front of the other.
        Learned that easy does it was not just a slogan it helped.
        The beauty of this is we get better when we reach out and help one another.
        I have struggled terribly lately and the support and encourage ment from people here and at my meetings feels like a warm blanket when I am down.
        See if doing something to help another will ease your mind.

  7. Dave w says:

    Ashley, your thoughts on trudging the road to happy destiny reminded me of a meeting a couple years back.
    Some one mentioned how heavy their feet felt in that trudging.
    Another person said that they used to wear ankle weights to get stronger when walking. I like to think that the trudge with heavy feet is getting us stronger!
    If we keep walking a day at a time we will get stronger and our feet will feel lighter sometimes.

    • Ashley says:

      Well, thank you for your encouragement! But, sometimes the saying or reference to “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”….why do I need to be so strong?…I thought I was before!…Is something else worse going to happen that I’ll need to be stronger for?…y I ask God, y do I always need to be so strong?…for once I’d like an opportunity to stay the strength I am. If anyone can understand my thought process there, what I’m trying to get across? I just deal as best I can. We only get this one life to live! I’ve buried too many friends and loved ones to realize,if I give life my best and my best at being happy…life is an extraordinary gift from God! It’s what we make of it!
      This old-timer gave me one of the best pieces of advice ever given to me in the program! He said to me as I was sad and depressed one day. “No matter what’s going on around you, you are the only one in control of your own feelings and happiness.” Even though at the time I was dealing with heartache. It was up to me and me only to either be sad or happy! It took me a few years to understand and learn how to make that happen! It’s not so easy to have things around you falling apart, to feel upset about it, and decide to still feel happy all at the same time! Still a work in progress for me but I’m learning to get better at it each day!

      • Thomas Cromer says:

        We are fighters and we will survive !!!!!!!!!

      • Sheryl says:

        Ashley I hope you are doing ok. You know what is weird last year in my recovery I thought to myself “I don’t want to feel this.” I guess I didn’t want to feel negative emotions so I drank. I still don’t like to feel negative emotions but I haven’t died yet from it so I am trying to adapt.

  8. Ashley says:

    Yes, that we are! Thank you for reminding of that!

  9. Kevin says:

    I’m just coming off a short relapse and my feelings of shame and guilt are extremely strong. Another alcoholic said to pick yourself back up and get into the solution. Very encouraging but still hard to look my family in the eye and let go of the guilt.

    • Amie says:

      I know what relapsing feels like. You can’t believe you’ve done it again! Your family knows your pain and struggle, and only wants the best for you. I finally told myself, “I am a good person! The only times I am ashamed and guilty are the times I drink.” I decided to stop disappointing MYSELF. I decided to give myself a break. That was my moment of enlightenment. I knew my family would forgive me every time, but I just couldn’t do it to myself anymore.

  10. Lee says:

    Yes, I have to practice watching negative/positive feelings and emotions arise, take shape, change then fade away. (Learned that from the Buddhist, tho I’m Christian). It’s seems easier to observe and let go of negitive thoughts and emotions for me, than the positive ones. I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD and in my alcoholism it’s very dangerous for me to cling to either negative or positive feelings. Regardless of negitive or positive feelings I must hold fast to my serenity. Thank you all and God bless.

  11. Dave w says:

    Be strong Lee. I like the Buddhist thought on the feelings.
    Just have to put the brakes on my wandering brain in order to let go.
    The SOB always drifts around on me. (My brain and thoughts.)

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