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Sharing Struggles

December 25, 2018 by Kayce L.

The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect.

In my recovery, I have discovered it's hard to share in most meetings. I struggle in that factor. I have decided to share on this blog what I struggle with.

As I have been growing in recovery of alcoholism and addiction, I also have found myself emotional and spiritual bankrupt at times.

As I rediscover myself, I also rediscover some difficult underlining issues that I have not yet addressed. Fear, resentment and loneliness.

I struggle with sharing these issues on a daily bases. Gratitude and humility are all I can grasp at some days. Even then my defects can quickly make me consumed in fear. As my children get older, the need for me is less. I remarried their dad and their is infidelity fears. Thoughts of loneliness when I look to how things really are. I am seeing differences in personality and goals for the future. I have meditated and read up on a lot of my issues and seem to be holding in more then I ever thought. I ask myself am I happy? Are they happy? Can I continue in this insanity? Who am I?

Prayers and meditation. Thanks for letting me share.

Merry Christmas everyone. I am grateful today. Sober today. And blessed to be able to be the person I am today through the program.

God bless


9 Comments »

  1. Anonymous Al says:

    As each year passes, my fears lesson. I personally believe it has more to do with my desire to play god lessoning as well. For me those things coincide, it seems that today at 7 an some change sober, the times I’m in the most fear is when I’m in control. Having said that what really would an alcoholic have to do with out some kind of self imposed crisis. I just know that for me today I don’t find it nessasary to stay uncomfortable and in fear. Life it to beautiful an short. The beautiful thing is about all this is there is clear cut directions on how to get out 1-12. I’ve worked them once a year since I’ve been sober, turns out the just keep working on me. Peeling back the layers of my onion.

  2. Gayle says:

    Attitude•Gratitude•Acceptance•
    I must grow everyday to keep my life in perspective. Steps 10, 11 & 12 help me do just that. Staying sober & staying in the present moment helps keep me going on being emotionally open & honest with myself, then others. Life on life’s terms. I find sharing deeply with my sponsor or trusted servant/friend is best. I share in general terms at meetings. I’ve taken my time & learned along the way. Only I know what I need & want. I wait until I am in a position of strength to share, following my intuition. We are free to be who we truly are. We can look the world in the eyes, we are free! How free do I want to be. Peace & Blessings Everyday.

    • Anonymous Al says:

      Absolutely, but sometimes a deeper look is in order. And the steps must be re worked in there entirety. Especially due to the fact no one is capable of a perfect 10th step. I find that when I put pen to paper, is where the rubber meets the road.

    • Kayce L. says:

      Wow Gayle, this is truly what I needed to hear. And in this moment I do feel peace. Gratitude is an attitude. Thank you have a blessed New Year

  3. Butch Allin says:

    The three big things we are talking about are fear, resentment and lonliness. My definition of fear is increased anxiety over the unkown. Usually I’m looking into the future. That is a waste of my time. Many 24 hours ago, my sponsor said, “ if you are going to pray, don’t worry and if you are going to worry, don’t pray I have to have faith, which is the opposite of fear.

    Resentments for me is angry that I have placed into my head and someone is living there rent free. I have to remember. “He who angers me, controls me”. My suggestion I to read pg. 66 and pg. 552 of the big book and do it. Also read the top three words on page 112.

    Lonlliness is the easiest one. I’m never lonely, I have my HP with me at all times. If I feel a need to talk with someone I have a phone, I have a vehicle I go visit, I go to a meeting, etc. the worst thing I can do is isolate.

    The biggest thing I must do is to be spiritually fit. I live by six H’s. Humility, honesty, higher power , hope, be helpful, have humor.

  4. Jerry says:

    Fear ... false expectations appearing real

  5. Rose says:

    thoroughly and fearlessly work steps 1-12 with a sponsor out of the big book! leaving any stone unturned is asking for relapse, or death. this disease wants me dead, and it will take any avenue to get me there. it's the only solution to reasonable sanity that I have found is working the actual program 1-12.

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