The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect.
In my recovery, I have discovered it's hard to share in most meetings. I struggle in that factor. I have decided to share on this blog what I struggle with.
As I have been growing in recovery of alcoholism and addiction, I also have found myself emotional and spiritual bankrupt at times.
As I rediscover myself, I also rediscover some difficult underlining issues that I have not yet addressed. Fear, resentment and loneliness.
I struggle with sharing these issues on a daily bases. Gratitude and humility are all I can grasp at some days. Even then my defects can quickly make me consumed in fear. As my children get older, the need for me is less. I remarried their dad and their is infidelity fears. Thoughts of loneliness when I look to how things really are. I am seeing differences in personality and goals for the future. I have meditated and read up on a lot of my issues and seem to be holding in more then I ever thought. I ask myself am I happy? Are they happy? Can I continue in this insanity? Who am I?
Prayers and meditation. Thanks for letting me share.
Merry Christmas everyone. I am grateful today. Sober today. And blessed to be able to be the person I am today through the program.